On my deathbed I'm sure my biggest regret will be that I didn't listen to this voice often enough. You know the voice I'm talking about. It's the voice that makes you second guess what you're doing or flat out stops you from doing something. This voice usually knows a persons real character before you do. Yet, all too often, it gets ignored.
Tonight is a good example of me fulfilling my biggest regret. I'm typing this as my little Geronimo sits in the Heber ER with his Daddy. I had to stay home with Henry and nurse him to bed. Both Henry and Gmo have bad colds right now, which simply adds to the sh***yness of this night.
Jake just got another Land cruiser. It's an fj80, seats 8, lockers on both ends I believe, etc., etc. I've been running errands and working all day and honestly just wanted to relax when I got home, but after dinner jake wanted to take the 80 for a drive. I Really didn't want to (enter voice), but I could tell he was excited. Jake wanted to take Henry but leave Gmo and Isaac, which we could do because our friend John is staying with us. I wanted to take Gmo because I didn't want John to have to watch our kiddos even if it was just for a 5 minute drive down the dirt road in front of our house. I knew isaac wouldnt want to come, and he doesnt need a watcher. Jake wrapped Henry up in a big blanket and I threw socks onto an already dressed Gmo and stuck him in the back seat- no seat belt or car seat. We were just going up our driveway and down the dirt road, so no need (enter voice again). I start up the driveway and just about to the top I get stuck ("This was a terrible idea" says the voice). Jake is giving me directions but its just making me more nervous because I already feel stupid for getting stuck in the first place. Gmo is going back and forth between the 2nd and 3rd row seats and my stuckness is getting more stuck. Jake tells me to ambush two tangerines (jake's dads way of saying "we're done") and starts giving me instructions on getting the car back down the driveway. In the middle of that the car lurches and Gmo does a face plant into the console, bloodying his nose and cutting above his left eye. Right when I saw his face I knew he needed to go to the ER. I was pissed. Pissed at jake for 'making' me drive the 80. Pissed at myself for not putting Gmo in a seat belt. Just. plain. pissed. It's a good thing that still quiet voice isn't a dick because it would be saying 'I told you so'. I would love to say lesson learned, but I know better. Luckily, all it took was a little glue to close up Gmo's cut. I'm sure jake and I will be friends again when he gets home with Gmo. But I owe that voice a long list of apologies. It's never wrong, yet I never believe it.
'Don't take a swig of your friends unopened raspberry vodka after you've drank your weight in cognac and hit on your bosses wife' - right (this just happened)
'This guy is soooo not good for you' - right
'That girl he says is just a friend, is not just his friend'- right
'Don't say that thing you're thinking about saying- even if its true'- right
I could go on all night, but I won't.
Thank you voice and please please please don't go quiet. I need you even when I don't listen to your advice.
