The still quiet voice

On my deathbed I'm sure my biggest regret will be that I didn't listen to this voice often enough. You know the voice I'm talking about. It's the voice that makes you second guess what you're doing or flat out stops you from doing something. This voice usually knows a persons real character before you do. Yet, all too often, it gets ignored.
Tonight is a good example of me fulfilling my biggest regret. I'm typing this as my little Geronimo sits in the Heber ER with his Daddy. I had to stay home with Henry and nurse him to bed. Both Henry and Gmo have bad colds right now, which simply adds to the sh***yness of this night.
Jake just got another Land cruiser. It's an fj80, seats 8, lockers on both ends I believe, etc., etc. I've been running errands and working all day and honestly just wanted to relax when I got home, but after dinner jake wanted to take the 80 for a drive. I Really didn't want to (enter voice), but I could tell he was excited. Jake wanted to take Henry but leave Gmo and Isaac, which we could do because our friend John is staying with us. I wanted to take Gmo because I didn't want John to have to watch our kiddos even if it was just for a 5 minute drive down the dirt road in front of our house. I knew isaac wouldnt want to come, and he doesnt need a watcher. Jake wrapped Henry up in a big blanket and I threw socks onto an already dressed Gmo and stuck him in the back seat- no seat belt or car seat. We were just going up our driveway and down the dirt road, so no need (enter voice again). I start up the driveway and just about to the top I get stuck ("This was a terrible idea" says the voice). Jake is giving me directions but its just making me more nervous because I already feel stupid for getting stuck in the first place. Gmo is going back and forth between the 2nd and 3rd row seats and my stuckness is getting more stuck. Jake tells me to ambush two tangerines (jake's dads way of saying "we're done") and starts giving me instructions on getting the car back down the driveway. In the middle of that the car lurches and Gmo does a face plant into the console, bloodying his nose and cutting above his left eye. Right when I saw his face I knew he needed to go to the ER. I was pissed. Pissed at jake for 'making' me drive the 80. Pissed at myself for not putting Gmo in a seat belt. Just. plain. pissed. It's a good thing that still quiet voice isn't a dick because it would be saying 'I told you so'. I would love to say lesson learned, but I know better. Luckily, all it took was a little glue to close up Gmo's cut. I'm sure jake and I will be friends again when he gets home with Gmo. But I owe that voice a long list of apologies. It's never wrong, yet I never believe it.
'Don't take a swig of your friends unopened raspberry vodka after you've drank your weight in cognac and hit on your bosses wife' - right (this just happened)
'This guy is soooo not good for you' - right
'That girl he says is just a friend, is not just his friend'- right
'Don't say that thing you're thinking about saying- even if its true'- right
I could go on all night, but I won't.
Thank you voice and please please please don't go quiet. I need you even when I don't listen to your advice.

Bring out your skis

Woke up to snow. Sorry I didn't take a pic. I always make a big deal of the first snow of the season even if I doesn't last long. I woke Gmo up early so he could see the snow and do our snow dance, which is pretty much just bouncing up and down like we have to pee really bad.
I love winter and I want my kiddos to love it too. It's one of the great things about living in Utah. They don't say we have the "greatest snow on earth" for nothing. We are lucky here. We have nice hot summers and cold snowy winters. Spring and Fall are pretty too. Although I wish fall lasted longer- fall is the bestest. If I lived somewhere without four seasons I'd be bored.
This year i really hope I get to ski. I've either been pregnant or broke the last several years and haven't been able to get out and really enjoy our awesome winters. So pray for snow people! And pray we have enough money to actually ski. Tourist make everything more expensive. Bastards.
Oh and my sister-in-law was awesome enough to take some family pics for us. Here are a few:

Magic Kale

Kale is magic. It's the one green leafy vegetable that my kids eat consistently. No joke. I'll scramble eggs and kale in the AM and Geronimo will pick all the kale out and leave the eggs. They also make fantastic chips. Mix them with a little olive oil and salt and bake them and they literally melt in your mouth. Isaac asks for kale chips all the time. A couple of months ago I did the whole 30 challenge with the other ladies at my crossfit gym. It's this no sugar, no processed foods diet thingy. Anywhoo i was craving spaghetti because spaghetti is one the greatest creations of all time. But you can't have noodles on the whole 30, so I put my spaghetti sauce on some sautéed kale. Sounds gross, tasted aweso. I still do it. I just drink a beer with I now. Take that whole 30. That diet took the fun out of food. It is good for you though. Oh well.

Saudade

Saudade is a Portuguese word that perfectly describes my state of mind today. Outside the little cabin we call home the air was thick with fall. Those of you in Mexico and Florida must miss this beautiful transition. The air has a dampness to it- a kind of sweet decay. It wraps itself around you like a musky blanket and slows you down. It's a good slow, a good decay. You can't help but be reminded that all things change. The chill in the morning will give way to frost. The days will get shorter. Soon the wood stove that warms our house will be going most of the day and into the night. Change is like death and taxes- inevitable. So why fight it. Those red and yellow leaves will be replaced by white snow. My redhead will become a teen; my babies, little boys.
Saudades has no exact translation into English, but the closest I can come to describe it is nostalgia. Nostalgia and then some. I always feel it this time of year. As I watched my little ones run and play and work today I couldn't help but think about what it must have been like for my Dad to watch my brothers and me grow. He used to take us on drives. He would ask if we would like to go get a treat, and we would always say yes. We would stop at the 7-11 and get one candy and one drink each and then dad would just drive. He never said much on those drives. We would always listen to classic rock and watch life pass by our car windows. So that's what I did today, minus the classic rock and 7-11 ( I did bring a bag of caramels for good measure). It finally made sense today. You can really clear your head when you are behind the wheel. The kids didn't mind the drive, but I didn't go for them. I went to remember those drives, and what it was like to be the passenger and not the driver. I have more to say, but it's late and I feel like this post is getting a little sappy.
On our drive we gathered some fall leaves and came home to do some crafts. Here are the pics:

Through the snow, up hill both ways...

Last Sunday Jake, Geronimo, Henry and I drove up to the Uintas and chopped down some trees. Two to be exact- dead ones. You know that old saying about a tree falling in the woods? Yeah, it's amazing that you can't hear that in the city. I swear that's about the loudest noise ever. Gathering wood is usually pretty fun in my opinion. I like chainsaws. And axes. And wearing my Carhartts. I also like Jake in a pair of Carhartts, with a chainsaw, and his big beard. I'm getting sidetracked... So, getting firewood=fun. Getting firewood with two babies in tow=lame. Gmo was napping when we arrived, so it started out well. I was able to help Jake a bit. I just put Henry in the backpack and did what I could. But when Gmo woke up my task became making sure he didn't die. Gathering wood is not a task to do with children. Big things, i.e. trees, can fall on them. Chainsaws kick- I'm sure if I was clever I could come up with some sort of pun for that. Luck for you, I'm not clever. They can swallow bad things, get attacked by wild animals (Honey badger don't give a sh**!), or get run over by stupid "campers" on OHVs. Lame. So Jake was pretty much on his own after that. As the sun started to go down and there was still a ton of wood to cut and load, I relegated poor Gmo to the carseat with some crayons and a coloring book, loaded Henry on my back, and did what I could. That last sentence sucked. I didn't party all the way through college. I promise. And I inhaled, but just a little. Promise.
Here are some pictures of our exciting wood gathering expedition.

 Don't I look like I work hard?

 The fruits of our labor. I mean Jake's labor.

 

7 months

Guess who is 7 months!?!?!

This guy!! He is the happiest baby ever. He loves his mama. Loves to grab his dada's beard and give it a good tug. Loves to watch his brothers. LOVES to nurse and cuddle. He cut his first two teeth several weeks ago and it barely bothered him. He is super ticklish and I loves me a ticklish baby- especially ticklish chubby little legs. As you can tell by the picture he is a huge fan of the bouncer. He even walks himself out and swings back, giggling the whole way. The bouncer gives him a good view of all the activity in the house. Sometimes I can see the little cogs turning while he's watching Gmo tearing around the house. It's like he's thinking "someday soon I'm gonna do that". 

Someday buddy, but take your time. Your mama is barely keeping up with little Gmo. Speaking of Gmo, now that he's in bed it's time to clean. Hooray.  

First day of school! First day of school!

So here are the poses. Isaac is so so so so so so so excited for school this year. Isaac gets to learn to play the violin, hence the case, and gets a locker. Seriously, I didn't get one of those until I was in the 7th grade. Isaac gets to ride the bus (don't ask me why that is exciting). 

I teared up a little as Isaac was walking onto the bus. I just can't believe how much Isaac has grown. What a cute kiddo. 

G.I. Jachel

This is a shout out to my aweso husband. I've been bugging him for a long time to make me a pull up bar. For those of you who don't know I'm just slightly obsessed with crossfit. I've been going to Heber Valley Crossfit since May and I LOOOOOOVE it. Tasha and Carli are amazing trainers.They really know how to keep you motivated and keep the WODs interesting.
Back to the bar. Apparently it's made from a stabilizing crossbar off an '80's 2WD Toyota pick up and some scrap medal from the barn. My husband is a Toyota fanatic. No joke. We have house full of  Toyota 4wheeling mags to prove it. He's also somewhat of a ih8mud superstar (that is a Toyota website where you post all the awesome sshtuff you do to your rig). His friend Tom was going to make a bumper sticker for his FJ40 that said "Yes, I know Jake". That is how super cool my husband is.
Back to the bar again. It's awesome. Honestly, how can a pull up bar that's covered in grease and welded together not be super awesome. Do I feel like a badass? Yes I do.

A pic of one of the welds

The whole bar and a not so bad pic of our driveway.
Jake made this bar on the same day that I did my very first unassisted pull up. Hooray!
Now I just have to work on being able to do more than one.

My Dear Grandma B,

I miss you. Our last visit you told me not to be sad, that you were going to your honeymoon in paradise. I know that you are happy to be reunited with your husband, whom you have been separated from for over three decades. But I am still sad that you are not here. I will miss our card games. I will miss our long talks. I will miss you singing to me and to my babies when we leave. I will miss your snort at the end of your laugh and the way you put salt on everything- including watermelon. I will miss you blessing the food before we eat.

Even though we are of different faiths, I will always respect how dedicated you are to yours.You left this world with dignity and on your own terms. Despite never claiming it yourself, you are a strong woman Grandma B. Your daughters and granddaughters are a testament to that.

Your celebration was beautiful, just like you planned it. Enjoy your honeymoon in paradise, but please forgive me the tears I shed for your departure. I selfishly thought you would live forever-the same way you thought I would always stay little. We grow up, we die. But you will not be forgotten. I will cherish all the wonderful lessons you taught me. I will laugh when one of my boys turns the sprinkler on in my face (*wink*). I will put my family first. I love you... a bushel and a peck.

Your loving granddaughter,
Rachel

TA da da da!! The new blog!

Sooo.....
it's been a while. I've had two babies since my last post on my old blog. It has been pretty crazy. There is definitely too much to type, so I'll give you, my dear blog reader person (of whom there are probably 5), the quick picture version with a short synopsis.
Isaac is now 10 and growing more and more everyday. He is awesome with his brothers (Gmo idolizes him), currently enjoying sports camp, and loves to dance dance dance. Isaac's obsession is the Titanic (both the movie and the actual ship). He can tell you all the details of the horrible event and has all the lyrics of that horrid song by Selene Dion on our ipad. Isaac is a lover of all things furry, is sensitive and caring and an all around good kiddo.
Geronimo (aka Gmo, Mo, Gpants, don't throw that at your brother!) is two and is our little parrot. That's not so great when someone cuts me off in the car, but otherwise it's super cute. He currently rocks a surfer boy bun with his curly blonde hair and loves loves loves balloons! His favorite saying currently is "it's mine"! He loves to give kisses to baby Henryhank and keep me on the run.
Henry is six months. He is my little observer. Henry is probably the best baby in the whole whole whole world. He rarely cries, and loves to cuddle and nurse. He tolerates just about everything his toddler brother dishes out. Henry is trying to figure out the crazy world of crawling- he had rolling down. He is my little love bug with the cutest little giggle.

Henry with one of the coolest pits in the world

 Gmo loves to get air!

 The two little boys in diapers

 My sweet Isaac with trouter troutface dog paws

 Goose the wienersnout (currently on probation at Grandma's)

 Isaac's 10th celebration. Absolutely fabulous!

Me and the beardguy